Let us all acknowledge an unfortunate truth which is not readily admitted by same-sex marriage proponents - All same-sex parented families are characterized by deprivation, and many by rejection:

• All same-sex parented families deprive the child of a mother or father.
• Most same-sex parented families are characterized by rejection of one biological parent by the other (often from divorce), often accompanied by rejection of the child by at least one biological parent.

There are only three possible ways in which children occur in same-sex relationships:

1. Children conceived within a prior, failed heterosexual relationship
2. Children conceived by assisted reproductive technology (such as artificial insemination)
3. Children who have been adopted by same-sex couples

In short, rejection between the biological parents is nearly always present in same-sex parented families. It is always found in situations 1 & 2 (except in rare cases of death of one biological parent followed by acquiring a same-sex partner), as well as in all adoptive situations excepting the death of one or both of the child’s biological parents, in which case, after suffering a catastrophic loss, the child is still being deprived of a mother or father to satisfy adult desires. In the case of artificial insemination or surrogate gestation/egg donation, nearly all sperm/egg banks enforce strict anonymity for the donor, who has rejected all connections with both the resultant child and the other biological parent. In the rare cases where sperm/egg donors wish to be included as part of the family, we find that we have moved completely beyond two person marriage and into the much more complicated realm of polyamory (i.e. “many loves”). 

Rejection is probably the strongest driver of psycho-social dysfunction today. Rejection can occur in any relationship, but same-sex marriage advocates demand that the law should enforce, as a normative baseline for society’s most vulnerable and innocent members (children), a family structure defined by depriving a child of a mother or father, and commonly characterized by rejection. 

So what is the significance of these shared traits? Plenty. Whenever children (or adults) experience rejection, they do not fare nearly as well as those who do not experience rejection. Such rejection is central to the problems inherent in step family structures, and is precisely why, among other factors, children of step-families do not do as well as those from intact biological families in a low-conflict marriage (see detailed comparison of step family outcomes compared to intact biological family). Indeed, child rejection is the driving force behind much, if not most, of the psycho-social dysfunction today. This point is addressed in Dr. Fagan’s presentation as well as the majority opinion of social scientists and the preponderance of literature available today.

In truth, same-sex marriage proponents demand that the law should enforce, as normative, a family structure which is defined by depriving a child of a mother or father, and commonly characterized by rejection; in short, a broken family.

Although rejection can be found in any family structure, it is important to note that the baseline family structure for comparison - the married biological mother and father with children- is not automatically defined by deprivation as are same-sex parented families. Clearly, many gay individuals go about their daily lives, sometimes raising children, trying, like the rest of us, to do the best they can by their families (as do step-families). VMAC does not wish to denigrate the efforts of such parents. Public policy decisions, however, must grapple with the rule of averages and how they apply to whole groups and societies. VMAC thinks it unwise to redefine the critical child-focused institution of marriage to accommodate a family structure which is defined by deprivation.